Somedays I die.


Somedays I die. And today is one of those days.

How do I describe to someone the insanity of a severe spinal cord injury? Those times when you wake up and you feel like you are drowning?

Or, those times you feel like the most intense hangover and headache – without the headache?

I cannot see clearly, because I cannot process the images clearly.

Then I bend forward, and the pain in my lower back brings that comfort, the comfort of a long-lost hated friend.

Clarity returns briefly.

A physical injury is so different than say Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s. You do not lose your brain, thank God for that. But, sometimes it takes awhile for you to find it.

And days like today, it literally feels like I am slowly recovering from drowning. I remember to tell myself to breathe, because automatic nerve commands seem to be slow.

And if anyone ever tells you, “You should vote for ObamaCare,” remember:

(1) I am a victim of Government Healthcare – experimental medicine, not what is known. The treatment to my not, so bad back injury destroyed my life. Government doctors (VA) tell me that it should not have done this.

Civilian doctors tell me, “Severe or chronic back injury is often the result of physical therapy.”

Government doctors take months to get an appointment, and seconds to cancel the appointment.

I live the result. It is not pretty. Nor is it fun.

(2) They want to experiment on you next.

Socialists hate Patriots, they hate Americans, so I hate Socialists.

What do you think?


About Wayne

First, I blogged on blogger, then Myspace - soon I was consistently ranked. Next, I quit. Then the blogging addiction came back .... Comments are appreciated. Not nice comments are edited. You can follow me at the top right.
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4 Responses to Somedays I die.

  1. Wayne, I feel for you brother. I suffer not from a spinal cord injury, but a deterioration of my sacroiliac (both sides). I am on Tramadol three times a day. If the pain is not too bad on a given day then the Tramadol keeps it to about a level 3. But on a bad day my medication only damps it down to a level 8. On level 8 days I can barely function.

    I too am in the VA health system. (Yeah…that one.) I will pray for you, if you will pray for me.
    in Christ,

  2. samratkel says:

    I can empathize with your post. I live with fibromyalgia and arthritis. Physical pain can so cloud your thinking on a normal day. Let alone on a day when you get the hassle of trying to individualise your experience with medical professionals who want to make it generic to fit their preconceived treatment plans. Plans often based more on financial considerations than actually seeing the person i front of them. What always amazes me is the failure to simply listen. My mind is clear enough that I can articulate my pain. Can’t that at least listen?

    • Wayne says:


      I so understand.

      It is especially infuriating when they tell you they are not listening, or even worse, tell you they are listening and prescribe a medication you just told them you were allergic too.

      And the medication has a different name, so you do not think much about it until you take it ….

      I will be praying for you and your pain.


      As a PS: I just read they think Fibromyalgia may be related to Lyme disease.

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