I cannot believe the number of views I get about the ‘heated’ sexual topics.
Having been attacked, I know there is a lot of confusion about what it means to be a Victim, and what it means to be a Perpetrator.
This is not a blog post for the haters. This one is for the Victims. And it is for female and male victims.
“I was raped,” carries with it an immediate guilty feeling. “What do I do now?” is natural, and it is the first step for help.
First, you need help.
Because of how much rape has grown over the last 40 years, I recommend the buddy program.
Get a friend you can trust to go with you to authority figures. It is sad, but there are abusers in the ‘helping fields.’ If a Perpetrator knows you have a strong friend with you on a regular basis, he, or she, will be much less likely to hurt you.
By the way, BTW, that is always true.
It is best to involve the Police, but some victims never do involve the Police. That is up to you.
If it has just happened, this is the best time to call 911.
It is always important to seek Ministerial or psychological counseling, from a good counselor. I know some great counselors, and I know some BAD counselors, both Christian and non Christian.
Just so you know, more people in the helping fields have been abused (on average) than in the non-helping fields. Once victimized, all humans have a tendency to hurt others without being aware of what they have done or said …. this is true of your ‘helpers.’ If you feel there is something wrong about the manner a helper is treating you, it is usually best to find a different, and better, helper.
It is important to join a survivors group as well, but remember, survivors do have a greater likelihood of becoming an abuser than a non-survivor. So, do not let your guard down and take your buddy on occasion.
Take a self-defense course. I prefer a gun, but hand to hand courses help with your self confidence more than learning how to use a gun.
Learn to enhance your security. All the standard ones, and even the ones Feminists tell us should not matter.
Change your clothing so you are not as ‘flirty.’ This will tell you, you have made a conscious decision not to be a victim again.
The more important changes are in routine, do NOT go to dangerous places alone, or with someone you do not trust.
Do not go near the Perpetrator, and if you must go near him, or her, do so in public and with friends.
If you cannot have a friend with you, take a digital data recorder. iPhones work.
Change up your routine on occasion. Have the police inspect your home, or apartment.
If you choose to get a firearm, do not leave it where children can get to the firearm. Even when it is on your person. When it is on you, do not let any one touch it, or play with it.
Guns are not toys, they are the Second Amendment promise that you can defend yourself.
On guns, never point a gun at anything, or anyone, you are not ready to kill. Treat a gun as if the gun is always loaded, never act like a gun is empty. Know what is beyond your target, you will some times miss, or over penetrate your target. Do not touch the trigger until ready to kill. Know your target – front sight on target and squeeze until done.
While it is best to know your local gun laws, “It is better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.”
Think about that.
Back to your present situation.
As a Victim, you did nothing ‘wrong.’ That means you must eventually forgive yourself for ________ . And you can fill in a lot of blanks. I should not have trusted him. I knew she was a bad person. I should not have walked alone. And the most common one, “I shouldn’t have been drinking.” ETC.
Suicidal thoughts and behavior, honestly? Do what all those stupid answering machines do. Stop and call 911. You need professional help. You should not think so little of yourself that you are willing to harm yourself, because someone else decided to re-wire your mind in a negative manner. BTW. Assaults do just that, they re-wire you mind in a negative manner.
Make peace with your spiritual authority.
Make peace with your ‘buddy.’ Whoever this person is will be your ‘buddy’ for a long time. Do not abuse them. Do not dump on them 12 times a day. Ask them when you can cry on their shoulder and when you cannot.
Do not choose a ‘buddy’ you think you could become interested in sexually – never do that.
Remember you may be weaker than people who have not been attacked – almost all of the time. You can overcome most of that. But, remember, especially within 6 to 12 months, your decision making ability was weakened.
So, do not drink in excess, best if you stop all non-prescribed drugs. Self medication is dangerous.
Do you have family ‘history’ you also need to ‘fix?’ Only fix family history under the guidance of professionals and with the help of your ‘buddy.’
That should be a start.
Remember when you ask, “I was raped, what do I do now?” to live your life as a survivor. Become the victory your enemy tried to overcome.
May God be with you at all times, and may you hurt just a little bit less than you did last month, each and every month.
I think every rapist need Mandel doctor
That is a great comment!