I have heard so many different reasons given. I have heard everything from “They don’t feel they deserve a good man,” to “You are not looking in the right places.”
First, I am reading up on FBI files for my suspense novel. I read up on the Hamiltons (of course), Bonnie and Clyde, Slick Willie, Osama Bin Laden (He is still on the 10 most wanted list …. I wonder if he is still alive?), and the cause of this blog, “The Black Dahlia.”
She was the “Starlet” found murdered and cut in half in Los Angeles. The ‘tantalizing case’ is so reminiscent of many modern ‘stories.’ A young woman with a wild side and a bad past is in trouble, and every tabloid media outlet is plastering her on ‘the news’ for days on end.
Have you ever noticed that some of them look like “they have been ridden hard and put away wet?”
I know I shouldn’t use too many Texacisms (Texas slang phrases), but that one was difficult to pass up. It means “something that has not been taken care of,” or especially “something that looks like it is about worn out from hard usage.” And that phrase comes from our Texas horse riding heritage.
But, back to our Dahlia, a good girl doesn’t make the news.
Isn’t it the same way for good men and women? Women focus on the latest ‘bad boy,’ and they miss many good men around them.
Isn’t that like the news? I met a reporter who had served in Vietnam. He told me, “I could take a picture of a GI helping a child, or a picture like the girl being burned by napalm. The child burning would get the ‘Pulitzer Prize,’ but the soldier helping the child would sell at least ten times more photos. So, I quickly noticed that the major news outlets didn’t want news that sold, they wanted news that was sensational.”
And in a strange way, good women overlook the good man while they find the sensational bad boys.
Another problem is, I think, a bigger problem, but it is easy to overlook. There just aren’t that many good single women looking for a good man. By the time you subtract the bad women, and the women who are not looking (but say they are), there just aren’t a large percentage of women left.
I hear women all the time complaining about not being able to ‘find’ good men. But, like I used to tell my cousins, “If you aren’t looking in the places good men hang out, you will find men, just not good ones.”
And having talked with thousands of ‘single and eligible’ young women, I can tell you, most are not ‘good’ women. I know about the ‘bullet list syndrome’ now. We will discuss that soon. Many are attractive. Many are even charming. But, few have good values.
Here are some clues to bad values. “It is so difficult to find a good guy, I started dating this married guy at work until I could find a good man.” “I am looking for a good man, have you ever gone to the twilight bar (a local strip club)?” “I don’t know if I can find a man to marry, the last 3 guys I lived with would not commit. So, each time, I had to break up and find another guy.”
I hear women talking about choices today few bad women made 40 years ago.
The bullet list syndrome …. Do you REALLY want me to cover this modern phenomena? Whew! OK, but only if you insist.
It is one of the Oprah generational issues.
“I read this really good book about how to find a man, and I listed all the qualities I am looking for just like the book said to. I cannot find a single man who can pass the first 50 items on my list. Can you believe that! All the men I meet are failures. Oh, they last for a couple of months, and then they make a mistake. But, at least this way, I am not wasting much time on them.”
I have heard the average length of bullet lists is about 200 items.
BTW, my list of requirements is also long: a committed Christian woman; willing to love a man; younger than I am; likes me; not any significant psychological issues; and (I hope) romantic.
You would not believe how many women I have met AND watched as I failed one of her “must haves.” I see it in her eyes (and overall reaction). It is like the scene in the movie “What women want” when he catches her looking at his private parts. You can see it in their faces. One moment they are chatting away and flirting. The next? It is like they found a bug in their food.
Should I just join the bad girls and chase bad girls?
Or, should I shorten my bullet list?